v-day

i finally got it. the official dismissal of the complaint filed by two people against my appointment to the post that they wanted. these two men have been complaining since the time they found out that i ranked first during the application and interview process. for a million and one reasons, to them i wasn't qualified. and so they filed a protest aginst me. when the personnel department and the commission en banc dismissed their protest, the commission then approved my appointment to the post and my approved appointment from the civil service commission came out about a month after the commission's approval, i thought that i could finally assume the position in peace. i should've known better. next thing i knew, a friend told me that these two men actually filed a protest with the civil service commission and that the personnel department was being directed to answer the accusations against my appointment. so they answered. still not contented, the two men filed a protest with the commission's grievance committee. after almost two months, the verdict finally came out. the grievance committee dismissed their protest and upheld my appointment. when i got a copy of the grievance committee's resolution, i was shaking with anger and heaving a sigh of relief at the same time. with three protests filed, not once was i given a copy. i wanted to defend myself but thought better. since they were not man enough to face me with their accusations, then, i thought, they were wusses and their accusations were worthless. reading the resolution, i found out just how stupid and truly undeserving of the position they were.

Man 1 was relying on his newly acquired bachelor of laws degree, never mind that his present position is that of a clerk and that he had no relevant supervisory experience to his credit. Man 2, admittedly, had a better chance if only he wasn't too greedy. From a clerical position, the dude wanted to jump to supervisor, bypassing about three people in the process. in all humility, i have had five years of supervisory experience, i'm about to complete my masters degree, i have the necessary training required for the position and i can speak and write english better than them.

it didn't help that my new boss didn't like me, choosing to support either men (although she preferred Man 2). for her, it was anyone but me. she knew that she couldn't control me and that i wasn't going to suck up to her. it didn't help that she was retiring soon and she wanted to make sure that her relatives and pet employees get to keep their positions and influence even when she's gone. but nope, she couldn't do that with me around. i had my own reputation and that didn't sit well with her. worse, the majority of employees who were sick and tired of her tyrannical ways were obeying me. and so she dangled the protests above my head like a damocles sword. she refuses to give me any sort of considerable work using that reason. when she's on official leave, i am still not allowed to sign documents. i merely countersign with the woman who holds the next lower rank to me. my desk is right outside her window so that she can "monitor" me. wtf is that supposed to mean?

anyway, back to the two men. my first instinct, after reading the resolution, was to run upstairs to Man 2 and give him a knuckle sandwich. but i closed my eyes and turned right instead of left. much as i had wanted to give him a piece of my mind, i reminded myself that he wasn't worth it and what's important is that i have the position whether he likes it or not. oh yeah, did i mention that Man 2 has been rude to me? yup, twice. i tried to be nice to him. one time, i asked him his birthday so that i could add it to my calendar but noooo, he snubbed me and walked away. the other time, i treated the entire office to merienda and asked him to have some but again, nooooo, he snubbed me and walked away. both times, i have kept quiet and smiled about it even if the other employees noticed it and called his attention. i will still try to gain his cooperation but i will not demean or belittle myself to his satisfaction. if he is not man enough to accept his loss then it just proves how unworthy he is. as for Man 1, i really don't care about him. he can bark all he wants. i am licensed to bite.

the green eyed monster

yup! the green eyed monster has struck again. overrun by a gnawing, gritting and gargantuan sense of insecurity caused by a whole lot of reasons, each one as compelling and catastrophic as the other as far as i'm concerned. i try to keep it in check but somehow, someway, it manages to creep in, taking over whatever sense of sanity is left in me.
sue me.